Temporal Paralysis

Currently, I am in a state of anger and loss.

Anime viewing has no longer taken a centre stage in my interest now. With national service still in progress, the lethargy of going through the standard operating procedures (S.O.P.) has taken a toll on my health, leading to my previous news.

My interest in current affairs still kindles my need to read newspapers, but it has flagged somewhat. With the role of local newspapers being as they are, I would kill myself if they can lampoon local policies. Heck, I’m no longer interested in many of its articles anymore: nobody deserves to be shielded and candy-wrapped with words like “Govt still confident”, “Economy grows by 5%” or “Tourist numbers are at XX million.” It’s all a veiled cover to the important news.

Today, I looked at my existence in Singapore, and the only words I can come up, is utter humiliation, both at myself and at the country itself.

I find it humorous when the country fashions itself as “unique,” when in actual fact, it has all the trappings of other smaller nations. I don’t wish to put down all the factors: there are signs everywhere, and the only reason I put this into writing, is because I hated it when Singapore thinks itself as a “superior entity by virtue of unlikeness.” The “superiority complex” Singapore exudes is reeking. Just previously, they announced to make their Government of Singapore Investment Corporation (GIC) as transparent as possible. Why now? Why wasn’t it being practised earlier? Is it because other sovereign wealth funds has been making the headlines now, and everyone is questioning the motives of these funds? Was it an exercise in PR to make Singapore “the good guy?” Singapore was never a good guy to begin with. Neither with intentions of being altruistic.

The people. I admit that I can see the behaviour in Singaporeans in other cultures, but nobody does it on a national scale like Singaporeans. Being well-travelled, I have travelled alongside Singaporeans, and the feedback I received from hosts I visited usually remarked of the “ugly Singaporean:” greedy, cheapskate, uncouth, uncivilised. Words I would make sure I will always shed my Singaporean identity whenever I travel overseas.

The drive for excellence. At what price? It seems that if one tries to slow down and smell the roses in this country, the breakneck speed of progress will ensure that you will forever be sidelined in the nation’s blueprint for national excellence. Failed in business? Too bad, get rich or die trying. Failed in studies? I not stupid, lah. Failed in social life? Sorry, not interested. Many a time such grouses appear, the newspapers will carry an article or two, be it the mainstream or tabloid newspaper, on how some people make it despite all odds. To be honest, I’m sick and tired of the tit-for-tat reactions newspapers have been doing to silence critics. The “moral authority” of the Government is not to be questioned, so all those around told me to.

I think I might harbored the ideals of the American dream, but I know the American dream is all but shattered: lousy public image, lousy economy, lousy foreign affairs, and lastly, lousy culture (from the way their Hollywood machinations exuberate their higly opulent lifestyle). I shared the ideals of the American tenets, but not the way Americans had led themselves into.

I don’t admire the Chinese either. At this point of time, there is no stopping China in their economic meteor-like rise. But I will always know that someday, that momentum is going to be overblown like a steam engine being too overheated for its own good. Besides that, there are some quirks with the Chinese I find it a bit horrendous. The myth, “they eat anything that has two & four legs, except chairs and tables,” might not hold ground, but I challenge anyone to find endangered animal parts in their medicinal halls.

I think that applies to all Sino/East Asian cultures. They are all pretty weird. Look at Channel News Asia. Their Korean documentaries are all done in tasteless fashion, eating whole food into their mouths. The Japanese? Don’t get me started on the whaling controversy!

I think I might have said things I’m not supposed to be said, but hey, X’Ho has always treaded in that path. I think, this writing has let up a lot of latent anger within me. If there is something I look forward to, is the day I took that pink IC of mine and uproot myself out of here. If people ask, “Where to?”, I’d ask back, “What business do you have with me?” and be gone.