It’s pretty rare for me to ramble so much about my personal life in public. However, seeing that this blog has not been updated for quite a long time, it’s only fair that readers (if there are any, I hope) need to know what’s happening to me right now.
To put it in short, I “lost” it.
To put it long, let me explain to you my situation.
I’ve completed the compulsory National Service four months ago. I just got out of work after my contract job 2 months back. Right now, I’m still trying to apply for jobs out there, but there’s no telling what I may face, given the economic uncertainty. I’ve applied for a spot in Nanyang Technological University, but after seeing their indicative grade profile for one of my course, there’s a good chance that I will not get any response from the university in due time. That’s because my GPA scores are not satisfactory enough for it. I’ve spent quite a number of days in my house, doing what typically non-working filial children does at home. With every passing day, however, I find myself in a Tatsuhiro Sato-like situation (albeit in Singapore, nobody can afford a rent, let alone singles renting a house). Without work and with no aim at life, I find myself trapped in a quarter-life crisis, depending on one ticket to university for a chance in moving forward. After Anime Festival Asia last year, I met up with a lot of good friends, and friends I never thought I might see again. I met up with potentially-influential people and the like, discussed ideas with people I didn’t know previously. Were all of this a pretence to make myself happy and preoccupied? Were all of this, a poor understanding of life in general? Why was I motivated to do all this? It did not mattered that I faced this crisis when there is an event far more personal. My family are finalizing their preparations, insisting on moving away from this wretched hole I used to call home. I am used to hearing the bad things coming out of this country: social decay, ruinous investments, arrogance and basically an infantile society. It does not help, either, that my parents had a traumatic history with our extended relations (now severed), which culminated to a showdown some time back. I refused to say more; needless to say, they “had a bland heart” in believing in Singapore now. At this moment, I am at a fork on the road, trying to charter my life’s course. I can only hope that that one resume I sent will land me a temporary respite from the boredom at home. I can only hope that NTU will send me a letter of acceptance. I can only hope that I can tide through the economic uncertainty without cornering myself with debt. Hope, is but a fool’s hope…
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A crisis, regardless of age is a bia-tch. I too had to wait 4 months for a job after finishing NS, before settling on a part-time job of sorts. It would be another year till I got a ‘real’ job.
Your mind likes to bring you down at these times, but preservere long enough and you’ll make it through, somehow.
I can’t comment on your family issues, but settling down in another country is a big step when you are starting life anew. I’ve invested too much in this country to uproot myself. (Unless a very lucrative offer pops up)
And yes, living life debt-free helps a lot. Hang tough and all the best in whatever steps you take.
Thanks, MrMayat. It’s a bi-atch trying to care about things…
Heck, even Panther isn’t caring about his grouping anymore, that shows that change are about the only true constant in this world… (Good luck on your aspiratons, Panther.)
I’m only concerned that I’m almost to the point of becoming a farmer (and that’s a possibility I tell you!), yet I feel like there’s something that I have to do here before I leave this country for good. Give back, and don’t expect anything else in return.