Temporal Paralysis

I am stuck in a rut, apparently.

Indeed, MrMayat has pointed out in my last post (which is more of a scheduled post, in celebration of a certain talent coming down to Singapore), that I am unemployed at the moment, and not very well emotionally. (It can also be said that I am at my most happy when everybody is down. I call this reverse trendsetting.)

In between idling at the Otaku Elimination Game blog, watching some streams of anime shows I’m catching up on, listening to massive loads of  Anime Trance collection, and loathing at myself for not going out to exercise, I began to see a side of myself that I refused to acknowledge, a side that, inadvertently, sparked this post.

Before continuing further, I would like to take this opportunity to remark on the various anime bloggers’ latest fashion post for “Best Anime of the Nought Decade”: Jason Miao started it first.

The past 2 weeks was hell for me: stuck in the house with no motivation to leave, the constant thought of that imminent day I will never see the Merlion again (which is not a bad thing, but humans have a certain resistance to change), and the thought of continuing my education without purpose or aim, has distracted my mind. On paper, a degree will sound fabulous and offers more career opportunities to myself once I start working. In reality, employers outside Singapore would not look up on your qualifications, but rather your soft skills and talents. (That means, Singaporeans sucked at being global workers.) My intention is to work elsewhere but Singapore, but that chance looked rather grim.

Unlike DarkMirage, whose future was well-planned ahead of his time, I am a free floater, drifting amidst the tides of time. I flow with the times, and because of that, I am stuck with a diploma that puts me in competition with Indian low-incomers with masters’ degrees. Add in globalization, and I would find myself worse off than if I choose to stay back where I came from and work from there. (I call it, Plan B.) Yes, failing to plan is planning to fail, and the blame is myself.

I blame myself for not planning far ahead.

I blame myself for putting others in burden because of me.

I blame myself for imitating Ikaros. (Not that Ikaros.)

Well, not this Ikaros, either, but if such an angeloid do exist, I'd put my W40K dream in action. (Credits: {link:http://www.mahirutei.net/}まひる亭{/link})

As a consolation, however, I do not feel too suicidal yet. There’s still a lot more things to occupy my mind than to contemplate on despairing and giving up. As a sign of hope, I do hear offers for my employment, but my gut feeling has always been right all the while: I have to work much harder now in order to get any job at all. Overall, I don’t feel moody or weird at all. Just a sense of pent-up frustration that I have released just by making this post altogether.

It’s the cyclical life of the ups and downs in life. Indeed, I don’t really have motivation at times; it’s just how it is. The world moves without waiting for you, so the next best thing you can do is to move the world.

This entry was posted on Friday, December 11th, 2009 at 2:00 am and is filed under Miscellaneous, all and sundry. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.